The Uchihas
by denytheworld
Summary: Everything I've ever written about the Uchiha Brothers are here. Ranging from Cute and Funny to Tragic and Angsty. Chapter 5: His brother never approved of the guys he brought home.
1. Innocence

This short little drabble was inspired by the plot bunny from Kirin-Saga

This short little drabble was inspired by the plot bunny from Kirin-Saga. At the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage.

Summary: Years before he became a killer, Itachi became a brother. He held Sasuke when he cried, told him stories to help him sleep, and helped him learn how to read. Was it all lies? Sasuke doesn't think so.

When Sandaime had come to visit him a few days after his clan—no, his life—were killed, he had asked him if he thought Itachi had really done this for power. Sasuke could still remember the grave voice—so unlike the kind and grandfatherly one he had become accustomed to—of Sandaime, "Sasuke, do you believe that Uchiha Itachi had killed your family for power?"

The little boy he still recognized as himself was small and fragile looking with blank, blank eyes. He was tangled in the pristine white sheets and pale. Sasuke could still remember shaking his head and pleading. "My brother is innocent. He's my brother. Sandaime-sama, please, I-Itachi-nii was framed, most likely. He…He…wouldn't! He…" He had broken out in dry sobs by then. Sasuke touched his throat uneasily, just remembering the sensation made his throat quake.

Sandaime had left right after, satisfied.

Sasuke started his quest for vengeance on his brother that night, when he woke up to find Itachi looming over him. He tried to kill him once again. "Cling to your life, weakling."

Sasuke didn't notice the picture book—his favourite—tucked underneath his pillow, or one of his brother's kunai on his nightstand.


	2. Happy Birthday

This story is inspired by a plot bunny donated by Kirin-Saga found at the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage

This story is inspired by a plot bunny donated by Kirin-Saga found at the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage.

Every year, Itachi would send Sasuke a birthday present.

On his eighth birthday Itachi had killed their clan and left. That was the crappiest birthday gift he had ever received.

On his ninth birthday, Sasuke found his mother's necklace—one he had wanted for years, but had been given to Itachi—by his nightstand. He had hidden it in the very bottom of his closet, but didn't dare wear it.

On his tenth birthday, Sasuke received a scrapbook of postcards. Each place was more exotic and more beautiful than the next. Itachi had always known his brother wanted to travel.

On his eleventh birthday, Itachi gave Sasuke his old ANBU sword and a note. _Only ANBU are allowed to hunt missing-nins._ Sasuke had always admired Itachi's ANBU sword. 

On his twelfth birthday, Sasuke was a newly minted genin. He had imagined being one for so long, he imagined the delicious meal made by his loving mother—the table was bare—, the proud face of his father—the tombstone reflected his own lonely one back at him—, and the comforting presence of his brother. He went to bed early, hungry. He woke up in the morning to find a basket of tomatoes and a scrap of red and black cloth.

On his thirteenth birthday, Itachi was actually present. He had broken his wrist and beaten him so badly he had to be hospitalized for weeks. But while he was pinned to the wall by his brother, he had heard him whisper, "Happy Birthday, Sasuke." The fact that he even acknowledged it made the broken wrist almost better.

On his fourteenth birthday, Itachi didn't give him anything. Sasuke got the feeling that his brother was mad at him for leaving Konoha. For some reason, that bothered him.

On his fifteenth birthday, Itachi gave him everything. He didn't feel happy.

On his sixteenth birthday, Itachi wasn't there anymore.

**A/N: **Man, I'm obsessed with the Uchiha brothers, huh?


	3. A Little Lesson for Neji

This is inspired by a plot bunny donated by Kirin-Saga at the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage

This is inspired by a plot bunny donated by Kirin-Saga at the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage.

Bunny: "You really want to scare your enemies?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, then just laugh when you kill them." Itachi gives Neji a little lesson.

Uchiha Itachi, as known to all of Konoha, was the pride and joy of the esteemed Uchiha clan. Already an ANBU Captain by the age of thirteen, he was a force to be reckoned with. He was swift, he was ruthless, he was cool and calculating, many whispered that he was perfect.

What no one suspected of the Uchiha prodigy was the fact that he had a soft spot for little children. He had an older brother complex and the need to take in and baby every stray he found. He apologizes for it, and his father hates it—but what can he do about it?

So, instead of insulting and then promptly ignoring the flash of brown that had run into him in the market like the watching civilians had expected, Itachi had picked the little tyke up, and said hello. He looked about his brother's age—another one of his weaknesses.

"What's your name?"

"Are you Uchiha Itachi?"

Itachi couldn't help but smirk at the solemn faced little boy's lack of etiquette. His smirk only grew when he noticed that he was talking to a mini-Hyuuga twerp. "Yes I am. What can I help you with?"

"Do I look like a girl to you?" The boy demanded fervently. The glint in the boy's lavender eyes promised pain if he answered wrong.

Itachi narrowed his eyes at the younger boy, going so far as to activate his Sharingan—more for show than anything. "Not really, why do you ask?"

"People laugh at me, and tell me I look like a girl. My mother won't let me cut my hair." Suddenly, a pale index finger was in his face. "But you have long hair, and you're respected."

Itachi ran a hand through his own hair, "I guess…" He didn't exactly expect to be talking to a little eight year old boy about his hair in the middle of a crowded market.

"And I _know _that as soon as I become a shinobi, my enemies _will _use my hair against me!" The boy cried out. Itachi hoped that no one thought he was harassing the kid. "Tell me, _please_." He practically begged, pulling out the puppy eyes. Itachi fell for it hook, line, and sinker. "What's your secret?"

Itachi looked around the area, placed the boy down on his feet, and knelt down to face the boy, "You really want to scare your enemies?" He whispered.

"Yeah." Itachi expected that if the boy wasn't raised as a Hyuuga, he would be bouncing around excitedly.

Here, Itachi broke out a serene smile and said as if it was _the _most obvious solution there was, "Well, then just laugh when you kill them."

"_Oh! _Thank you, Itachi-sempai!" The boy bowed and turned to leave.

"Wait, what's your name?" Itachi shouted to the boy.

"It's Neji!"

--

_A little continuation/alternate ending_

It wasn't much of a surprise to Itachi when, years later, he saw Kisame fall, and heard a pale, long-haired Hyuuga laughing over his partner's dead body.

**A/N: **I don't know about you, but I feel kind of warm and fuzzy inside. Can't you all imagine Itachi giving little Neji lessons on how to scare the living crap out of his enemies? No? Well, that's just me then.


	4. Kakashi the Babysitter

This is once again, a plot bunny by Kirin-Saga found at the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage.

1077. "There's one good thing about being part of a large Clan."  
"What's that?"  
"You have a never ending supply of babysitters."

When Kakashi opened the door, he had expected an angry Rin in front of him, ready to give him the verbal lashing of his life for oversleeping. Maybe, he would've expected his sensei, Minato, but the newly inaugurated Yondaime Hokage hadn't had a spare time for a week now. He did not expect Uchiha Fugaku—a man Obito had mentioned in the passing (with a shiver and a curse word accompanied with it)—and a screaming baby in said austere man's arms.

"Um, Uchiha-sama." The befuddled fifteen year-old greeted the clan leader of his best friend's clan. "What a…pleasant surprise."

"Hatake."

"Yes?"

"I believe this is yours." The squalling baby was shoved into his arms. It took all of Kakashi's self control to not drop the crying baby.

"…I'm fifteen…" Kakashi sweat-dropped. "I think I'm a little too young to be—"

"This is my son, Sasuke. You'll be taking care of him. Itachi will be here to pick him up at five o'clock. Sharp."

"B-but—but! Wait! Uchiha-sama!"

"What is it, Hatake?" The older man stopped and gave Kakashi a 'you-are-a-nuisance' look.

"Don't you have clan members to take care of this?" He shifted Sasuke—who had miraculously calmed down—onto his other shoulder. He couldn't help but remember a little conversation he had had with Obito.

"_There's one good thing about being part of a large clan, Kakashi." _

"_Oh, what's that?"_

"_You have a never ending supply of babysitters."_

He had also remembered saying along the lines of, 'No woman would be insane enough to bear his children, so he wouldnt have the chance to take advantage of it.' That jibe resulted in a rough brawl.

"Look, Hatake." Fugaku sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Itachi is at the Academy. My wife is on a little getaway trip with _all. The. Fucking. Female. Relatives _in the Uchiha clan. All the males in the clan couldn't be trusted to take care of a _plotted plant. And _I cant get him to shut. the. hell. up." By this time, Kakashi thought that Fugaku was going to blow up and cough up a fireball at him. "You have that Sharingan. In some twisted way, you are part of our clan—enough to take part in babysitting duty, anyways. Now take the damned brat."

"Um…okay?" Kakashi squeaked meekly.

"Good!" Kakashi was pushed, unceremoniously into his house, and the door was slammed closed—loudly on the opposite side. Sasuke began to bawl his eyes out and tugged at his hair—painfully.

"You're laughing at me, aren't you, Obito?"


	5. A Brother's Approval

A Brother's Approval

A Brother's Approval

201. AU BUNNY. Itachi never slaughtered the Clan and never killed his best friend. When Naruto asks Sasuke out on a date, Itachi lectures/threatens Naruto.

When Itachi opened the door, he resisted the urge to slam the door shut immediately after seeing who it was. He had just seen the face of the devil. Unfortunately, he knew that if he did try to slam the door in the devil's face, the bastard would make a big commotion, thus causing a bigger scene, and an even bigger scandal.

Why Sasuke chose to date that idiot, Itachi doubted he'd ever understand. He, as the caring and thoughtful older brother that he obviously was, had tried to introduce his brother to many of his own respectable colleagues.

And who did his foolish little brother choose? Why…

"HEY! ITACHI! IS SASUKE-TEME HERE?!" Despite the fact that he was standing a mere foot away from his person, the blond idiot had decided to _scream. In. His. Face._

"He's out training. Why don't we sit down?" Itachi suggested stepping aside, his tone cool and icy, allowing no exceptions.

Naruto fidgeted nervously, eying the dark interior of the Uchiha household and then back at Itachi's suddenly spinning crimson orbs. "Um…I don't know…Sasuke—"

"Would be delighted that you have taken an interest in befriending his dear older brother." Itachi said drolly, "As am I."

"B-But—" Naruto may be daft, but he knew that Itachi would sooner run himself into his ANBU sword then approve of Naruto.

"_Now_. Uzumaki."

--

As soon as Naruto was seated, kneeling before a low table, with a tea cup in his hands. Itachi smirked and sat down opposite the blond dobe. Sasuke had gone to the market to complete a few errands for him—he had exactly four hours to finish this up—not that he'll tell Naruto, of course.

"I don't like you."

"I—I'm sorry to hear that?" Naruto squeaked. Itachi couldn't help but feel proud as Naruto almost spilled his tea all over his lap.

"I don't understand why my brother has taken an interest in you."

"I'm kind of lost on that too." Naruto laughed nervously. "But—"

"Say, Naruto, would you like a tour of the house?" Itachi asked, "That's lovely, this way please." Naruto followed along, making sure to stay out of reach from Itachi. Who knew what Sasuke's overprotective older brother could be capable of?

Obviously, he was capable of a lot.

"This is one of the Uchiha clan's storage for weaponry and fire arms."

"Okay…"

"I am very skilled with _all _of those weapons stored inside."

"Okay…"

"_This _is my ANBU sword. It's been with me for a while now, and I'm very comfortable just gutting you as we speak." Naruto looked panicked. "Of course, I'm just joking." Itachi didn't look like it. "Let us move on."

After a an hour or two of walking around the immense Uchiha estate, with Itachi highlighting standard and not so standard weapons/furniture/decoration/etc. that he could use to kill him with, Naruto noticed that they had passed by several places that Itachi hadn't brought him into yet—to threaten him and all. By now, Naruto suspected that Itachi got his kicks from scaring off his brother's boyfriends.

"Hey, Itachi…"

"Yes, Naruto-kun?" Itachi asked. The way he said 'Naruto-kun' sounded like 'Future Pincushion'.

"What's that place?"

"I'm glad you asked." Itachi said, and Naruto witnessed the first small genuine smile he had ever seen on Itachi since he had met him. "I've been saving that section of the estate for the very end—but I will tell you now."

"What's in it?"

"That would be our medical wing. If you ever hurt Sasuke, I can tear you apart limb from limb, while keeping you alive and conscious, and reattach you." Naruto shivered. "Although, I must admit, I'm not much of a medic-nin, so I must apologize in advance if anything happens to you."

"Eh…Ehheheh…?"

"Let's move on then."

--

"This is the hall for a few important ancestors. Over on your left, is Uchiha Madara."

"What's so important about him?"

"He was the one who was able to unleash the full might of the Sharingan—and discovered the Mangekyou Sharingan."

"What's that?"

"Would you like me to show you?" The sadistic lift of Itachi's lips and anticipation in his voice immediately put Naruto on the edge.

"No!" Naruto screeched. "NO THANK YOU!"

"Ah. There will always be time for that, I suppose." Itachi said, nodding. "Would you like to be shown the underground Uchiha torture chambers?"

Naruto shivered and prayed that Sasuke would come back soon.

--

Sasuke got home, to find his brother and Naruto sitting around a low table, sipping tea. Well, Itachi was sipping tea. Naruto had numerous blankets wrapped around him, whispering and rocking himself.

Sasuke sighed, Itachi got to another one?

"Why, hello, Sasuke. I suppose your trip to the market went well?" Itachi greeted his brother warmly, as if he hadn't just finished with threatening and traumatizing his boyfriend.

"Good enough." Sasuke said gruffly. "What did you do with the dobe?"

"Oh nothing."

"Nothing?!" Sasuke said disbelievingly. "He looks like he's been to hell. Don't tell me you used the—"

"No, I didn't." Itachi said, disappointment etched onto his face. "I offered to show him, but he so rudely declined."

"Right." Sasuke hoisted Naruto up over his shoulder, and walked off.

Miffed, Itachi rolled his eyes. "Sasuke might not talk to me for a week after this, but he'll be thanking me for this sooner or later."


	6. Move On

Move On

He hadn't moved from his spot for two days.

It wasn't like he wasn't hungry. It wasn't like he wasn't thirsty, tired, or cold. He felt all that. After all, he wasn't dead yet. He just felt that there was no need for him to move. Pale fingers brushed lightly against the cool stone before him. The pale glint of the moonlight showed him his expression.

Why do I look so sad?

One drop. Drip. Two drops. Drip. Drip. It wasn't raining, but moisture had gathered onto the top of his small hands.

Where did that come from?

His vision began to blur. His shoulders shook, as dry sobs racked his frail body. Any visitor that would've passed by—no one had visited since the massacre—would see a broken little boy sobbing in front of his parents' graves. Thank the heavens no one saw. After all, Uchihas don't cry.

Why am I crying? 

A shrill wind swept the boy unsteadily to the side and past him to echo around the empty clan grounds. He was too tired to resist the brute force of the wind and fell. Landing with a little thud, Sasuke immediately scrambled back to his feet, and settled back down into the dirt. He continued to kneel.

I'm not done yet. 

He won't leave his parents. Never. Itachi might have. He might have killed them all in cold blood, but he will never leave his family. Never.

"You'll have to leave us sooner or later, Sasuke-chan."

The voice was clear, steady, and warm. Sasuke whipped around to see nothing. No, not 'nothing', no one. He saw no one, and it broke his heart all over again. "Mother…Father…" Sasuke continued to kneel. The rain was getting heavier now, and as the strenuous weight of raindrops continued to batter his petit frame, as was the weight of his eyelids. Rubbing his eyes persistently, Sasuke declared with amazing conviction. "I'm never going to leave you." T

Three…

Sasuke's ramrod straight posture loosened slightly.

Two…

His eyes closed, and opened once again a fraction of a second later than before.

One…

Sasuke stifled a yawn.

Sasuke collapsed in front of his parents' gravestones, snoring lightly.

"Move on, Sasuke. We'll move with you." 


	7. Mornings

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Mornings

Mornings at the Uchiha household were never peaceful.

Maybe the catalyst for that morning's chaos wasn't anyone. Well, not anyone in _particular_ per se. That was always the case, every single morning. Despite Sakura's careful planning and caution, something _loud _always happens. Perhaps it was because it was just the fact that it was morning that did it for the Uchihas. God knows that was probably the reason why they had no neighbours.

A throaty howl was what Sakura awoke to that particular morning. Blinking blearily into the darkness of their room, Sakura groaned. It couldn't have been earlier than six, and their daughter was awake. Beside her, Sasuke shifted jerkily before one crimson orb revealed itself. "I'll go get her, Sasuke." Sakura sighed as she forced herself out of the warm cocoon of blankets. What she wouldn't give to kick Sasuke out of bed in her stead. Normally she would've, but Sasuke had just finished a week long mission and needed plenty of rest.

Cramming her feet hastily into a pair of warm fuzzy slippers Naruto had given to her a few years ago, Sakura shuffled slowly across the room. Tossing one last wistful glance at the sleeping Sasuke and a bed that practically radiated warmth and comfort, Sakura headed across the hall to placate the crying infant. If Emiko cried any longer, she was bound to set off the twins, and no way in hell was she going to deal with that mess.

The room was still dark, the rays of the rising sun barely made any difference to the normally bright and girly room. Feeling around slowly, (the twins would leave their toys everywhere, and it wouldn't be the first time Sakura tripped over them), Sakura made her way to the crib that Emiko was in. At the appearance of her beloved mother, Emiko stopped crying for a second. Sakura sighed out in relief; finally, her poor eardrums were given a break. Blowing a stray lock of pink hair out of her face, Sakura picked Emiko up at arm's length. "What will it be this time, sweetie? Diaper change? Food? Or are you waking me up just for the heck of it?" Emiko giggled brightly as she reached for Sakura's face. Sakura didn't need the light to see Emiko's smiling green eyes illuminating her cherubic face. A wave of frustration swept through her. False Alarm. Again. Emiko had been crying consistently early in the mornings for the past three weeks, and with hospital shifts and missions, Sakura was completely exhausted. The weary mother sighed and placed Emiko back into her crib—and as soon as one shiny tendril of raven hair touched her pillow, Emiko began to screech and howl once more.

A bang from the next room rocked the very foundation of the house. Sakura closed her eyes and counted to ten. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Just wonderful. The twins are awake. "ITACHI PUSHED ME OUT OF MY BEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

"Itachi," Sakura hissed, and with the now silent Emiko was tucked in her arms, pretty much stomped down the hall to the twins' room. "Do _not _push your brother out of his bed. Keiji, you should know better than to shout! Do either of you—"

"Stop pushing me!"

"You stop telling me what to do!"

"—Do either of you—"

"I'm older!"

"Yeah! By THREE WHOLE MINUTES! SHUT UP!"

"Keiji! Itachi! Stop this—"

"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!"

"MOOOOOOOOM!"

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"STOP THIS AT ONCE!" Sakura screeched, "BOTH OF YOU APOLOGIZE TO ONE ANOTHER! ITACHI, STOP PUSHING YOUR BROTHER OUT OF HIS BED! KEIJI, STOP BOSSING ITACHI AROUND! GET ALONG OR ELSE! DO EITHER OF YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? NO CIVILIZED PERSON SCREAMS AT OTHERS SO EARLY IN THE MORNING! YOU TWO ARE BROTHERS! SETTLE YOUR PETTY DIFFERENCES AT ONCE! IF I SO MUCH AS HEAR ANOTHER _PEEP _OUT OF EITHER OF YOU, IT'S TWO WEEKENDS WITH UNCLE LEE AND NO TELEVISION FOR A MONTH! YOU ARE BOTH GROUNDED! GROUNDED DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

Silence prevailed as two sets of deep onyx eyes peered up at her.

"DO. YOU. HEAR. ME?!"

"Ma'am, yes ma'am!" The two six year olds chorused.

"Good!" Sakura pretty much snarled. In her arms, Emiko woke up with a start and began to cry. Sakura felt like crying too. The boys, the obvious geniuses that they were, detected that their mother was at her brink.

"I'll go make breakfast, mom." Itachi solemnly volunteered as he slid past Sakura and into the hallway before making his way to the kitchen.

"I'll go wake up dad, mom." Keiji said.

"No need," A tired voice said from behind Sakura. Whirling red orbs cut through the quickly lightening room, and although Sasuke looked annoyed, the small twitch of his lips told Keiji otherwise. "Go help your brother with breakfast Keiji. Preferably before he burns the house down."

"Okay, dad!" Keiji beamed up at the elder Uchiha and hurried to rejoin his twin, their earlier fight all but forgotten.

Wrapping his arms around his wife's waist, Sasuke leaned in to inhale the rich scent of jasmine and vanilla body wash. "You know, you can always ask for a break from the hospital." His suggestion was barely audible, a murmur, and Sakura stiffened.

"I can handle it."

"I'm only suggesting a little break." Sasuke pleaded. "You need a break."

"I CAN HANDLE IT!" Emiko howled louder to match her mother's ire. Growling angrily, Sakura shoved Emiko to Sasuke. "I have to get ready. You take care of her and I think she needs her diaper changed."

Sasuke was left with a bawling infant. "DADDY! ITACHI'S TRYING TO KATON THE TOAST! DADDY! DO SOMETHING!" Sasuke sighed. Why did he want kids again?

An hour later, the Uchihas found themselves still hungry and just as irritated. Sasuke stood sternly over the two cowering boys. "And what have we learned?"

"…um…" Keiji shot a frenzied look to his twin and accomplice, _help me out here!_

"…uh…" Itachi's eyes looked anywhere but up at their father. _As if I know what to do! _

Sasuke sighed, and closed his eyes, "We're not going to make toast with ninjutsu again are we, Itachi?"

Itachi shook his head.

"Good." Sasuke directed his attention to Keiji, "and we're not going to use ninjutsu to spread the fire either, are we now?"

Keiji shook his head. "No, daddy."

"Good." Sasuke said firmly, "Because we both know your mother's going to kill you the next time you two pull something like this."

"Oh I will." Sakura hissed venomously. Both boys shrunk back from their livid mother. "And the next time you start shouting before dawn, I'll personally—"

"SAKURA! SASUKE! OI! OPEN UP IN THERE! LET ME IIIIIIIIIIIN! LET ME IN! LET ME IN! LET ME IN!" A flurry of knocks almost unhinged the door. There was no mistaking who it was.

"What does the dobe want now?" Sasuke grumbled.

"LET ME IN! LET ME IN! LET ME IN!"

"I don't know." Sakura sighed for what must've been the hundredth time that morning. "We better let him in before he disturbs the whole neighbourhood."

"As if we haven't done that by ourselves." Sasuke snorted, before getting up to open the door. "Hold up, dobe! And shut up!"

Before Sasuke could get to the door, Naruto had already ploughed through it, and walked right in without a by your leave. "Yo, Keiji, Itachi, Sakura-chan. How's Emiko doing?"

"…My…door."

"Oh yeah, about that. Sorry, Sakura-chan. Sasuke took too long."

"…My…new…door."

"Look, sorry, I'll pay for it. But this is serious!"

"…Na-ru-to."

"…Uh…Sakura-chan…why are you looking at me like that?"

"…destroy."

"Whoa! Whoa! SAKURA-CHAN! NOO! SAKURA-CHAN! OW! OW! OW! NOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Daddy…aren't you going to stop mom?"

Sasuke smirked down at Itachi, "Nope. He's been asking for it for years now."

Itachi looked at Keiji questioningly, and Keiji shrugged back. Just because he's older doesn't mean he knows everyone. Jeez. Little brothers are so needy!

--

"So you broke up with Ino?" Sakura asked calmly as she and Sasuke both looked over at Naruto's bruised and beaten form. He was already healing thanks to his Kyuubi powers, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

Wincing exaggeratedly, Naruto nodded. "I don't know why she broke up with meeeee, Sakura-chan!" Naruto moaned pitifully. "All I did was I gave her a pair of socks for her birthday!"

Sasuke winced. Even he wasn't as dense as to actually give Sakura a pair of socks for any occasion. Thinking that his best friend (and rival) was agreeing with him, Naruto continued on, "Her feet are always cold in bed! It's useful! She's always whining about me being inconsiderate, and now I do something nice and she kicks me out on my rear! Oh by the way, you don't mind me staying do you? I kinda need a place to stay now that Ino kicked me out."

Sasuke and Sakura exchange a wary look.

"Oh come on!" Naruto cried out in disbelief. Were his two best friends going to leave him in his moment of need?! "It's only for a few weeks before I can find a new place to stay! You won't even notice I'm here!"

"…Only for two weeks." Sakura allowed reluctantly. Sasuke sighed.

"THANKS GUYS! GROUP HUG!"

"…Can't…breathe…Naruto!"

"Get off of me, you bastard." Sasuke hissed, dangerously narrowing his eyes.

A banging at the door separated them. "Mommy! Daddy! Auntie Ino is here!"

"Shit."

With wide eyes, Naruto took on the image of a hunted animal. "She _can't _find out that I'm here! _HIDE ME!_" In a flash, Naruto jumped around the room, hiding under the table, behind the couch, into the wall. "DON'T YOU TWO HAVE ANY GOOD HIDING SPOTS IN HERE?!" Naruto all but screamed.

"Sakura?" Ino's voice floated from downstairs. "Is Naruto here?" Her voice sounded dry and rough. She must've been crying a great deal.

A pained look crossed Naruto's features for a split second before panic found its rightful place there once again. He shot a pleading look at Sakura. Sakura nodded, "He's not here, Ino."

A pause, and then, "…is this a bad time, Sakura? I can go if you want…"

"NO!" Sakura shouted and then looked back in shock and frustration at Naruto (who had shouted along with her). "Keep your mouth shut and find a spot to hide." Sakura hissed. "I'm coming right down, Ino. Can I get you something?"

"In here, dobe!" Sasuke whispered, opening a closet door. It took less than two seconds for Naruto to jump in and for Sasuke to close the door shut firmly. "I'll tell you when the coast is clear. Stay quiet and _don't break anything_."

A muffled, "aye, aye" was his response. With that, the Uchiha stalked out of the room. He needed coffee.

--

Naruto and Ino have been dating for a few years now, and all of their friends have been wondering when they're ever going to admit that they _may _actually love each other. Last time she checked, Kiba had begun a betting pool for when Naruto was finally going to pop the question. But now, as she watched Ino forlornly and listened to her spill out her problems on her fine leather couch, Sakura suspected that nothing was ever going to happen between her two blond best friends.

"And he gave me a pair of socks for my birthday!" Ino wept bitterly. "What kind of boyfriend gives a girl a pair of socks for her birthday?! I was so angry! It's like he doesn't care for me at all!" Upstairs, Naruto snorted and rolled his eyes. It was obviously the other way around.

"Maybe he was trying to be considerate." Sakura defended her friend loyally. "You did complain that your heating was broken…"

"Bah!" Ino snapped, waving away Sakura's reasoning like a bad smell. "I'm always doing all the giving! I cook and clean! All he does is track mud into the apartment and leave the toilet seat up! He doesn't appreciate what I do for him! He hasn't been paying his part of the rent either!" Naruto scoffed, _he _was the one that cleaned and he did _so _pay his share!

"He cleans, Ino." Sakura sighed, "You're just mad at him and throwing random accusations. Maybe you should just make up with him. Naruto is a straightforward kind of guy. He can't read into your every mood. Heck, if he can, I'll seriously doubt his sex!"

Ino giggled, "Well, I suppose. But he's just so damned demanding! He always hogs the washroom and he never listens to me! He's never there for me! The socks-for-my-birthday thing is the very last straw on the camel's back! I can't take back a guy that treats me like crap!" Naruto seethed. What the hell was that woman saying?! He did so appreciate her!

"Maybe—"

"Don't! Don't make any more excuses for him anymore, Sakura! I can't stand it. This is the last time. I'm never taking him back! EVER! I'm too good for the likes of him! Oh! Why can't I find better guys?!"

That. Was. The. Last. Straw.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, YAMANAKA INO?!" Naruto demanded, storming down the stairs, glaring daggers at the blonde woman on the couch beside Sakura.

"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" Sakura screamed, aghast. Keiji and Itachi were in the kitchen and both have minds that are easily influenced.

"OOOOH! SO YOU WERE HIDING HIM!" Ino glared at Sakura before crucifying Naruto with a deadlier glare. "YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME AND NEVER WILL BE!"

"YOU LYING LITTLE BITCH! ALL THIS OVER A PAIR OF FUCKING SOCKS?!"

"IT'S NOT JUST THE SOCKS, YOU BASTARD!"

"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" Sakura shouted in futility.

"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE INO!"

"I WILL _NOT _WATCH MY LANGUAGE UNTIL YOU FUCKING APOLOGIZE FOR SHOUTING AT ME!"

"WELL I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING APOLOGIZE UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE FOR SPREADING FILTHY LIES ABOUT ME TO MY OWN FRIEND!"

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IT'S THE TRUTH!"

"THE TRUTH MY FUCKING ASS!"

"THAT IS IT! STOP YOUR FUCKING SWEARING OR I'LL KICK BOTH YOUR PATHETIC ASSES OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Sakura screamed. "DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL CRAP OUT OUTSIDE! JUST MAKE UP AND GET MARRIED ALREADY! OKAY?! YOU TWO LOVE ONE ANOTHER, EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCKING ADMIT IT! YOU TWO ARE DRIVING ALL OF US BATSHIT INSANE!" Swallowing loudly, Sakura stared at her two awestruck friends, "UNDERSTOOD?!"

Both blonds were too numb with shock to say anything in response. Sakura hadn't cussed since the twins were two. She must be really ticked off.

"Mommy…?" Keiji started hesitantly, pulling at the hem of Sakura's shirt.

"Yes, sweetie?" Sakura asked irritably, not happy at all that she had broken her four year streak. "What does fuck mean?"

"FUCK!" Sakura cried and looked ready to maim something. Both Ino and Naruto had found it convenient to leave at that time.

"Ooooh, mommy said a new word!" Itachi chirped from the kitchen.

"What does it mean, mommy?"

"Fuck! I mean, shit! No, I mean crap! No! I mean damn! I mean---Ooooh!" Sakura moaned and cried out dramatically towards the ceiling. "How can this get ANY worse?!" The fire alarm set off as thick black smoke came from the kitchen.

"Oooops!" Itachi giggled.

"FUCK!"

And there we have it folks. The idea of peace and quiet is a foreign concept for the Uchihas. Sasuke eventually found his coffee, Sakura banned Ino and Naruto from her home for a month, Ino and Naruto ended up getting married and coming over to the Uchihas anyways, and Keiji and Itachi said the word 'fuck' quite freely for the next two weeks. All was well with the Uchihas.

DLAMiss: Well finally, an update. I started writing this on a whim and now it's just gotten to large. Hope you enjoy and keep your eyes out for a new update for Want soon!


	8. Final Words

Final Words

It was tragically beautiful out, one of those beautiful summer days where lethargy and contentment filled the air. Everyone was happy and benevolent, children would be playing ninja and women would be gossiping in the market. Her? Well, if she had it her way, she would be in the park, sprawled out under the shade of her favourite tree and licking a nice cool frozen treat while her nin-dogs played amongst themselves. It was supposed to be a beautiful day, with high lolling clouds, clear blue skies and an occasional cool breeze.

No where did she expect things to turn out like this. The children were silent and hiding behind their stony-faced mothers. Fathers have their arms wrapped around their wives as they also shot daggers at nothing. Despite the cheerful and bright day, a dark grey cloud has fallen over the villagers. All because of one person.

Uchiha Itachi had been captured last night.

Today is the day of his execution, and she was the executioner. It was disturbing how very little that distressed her, considering their past together. He had once been her comrade, her teammate, her best friend. He had also once been her lover. But that didn't matter. None of it does. When he had stepped out of Konoha for the very last time almost a decade ago, that was it. She was a part of Konoha, and he wasn't. She should have no regret or hesitation. To falter is to shame her Hokage's decision of assigning her this task.

A hush has fallen over the grumbling masses as they watched with tense eyes as the prisoner was brought out. Hana looked anywhere but at him. Surely, he recognized her. She counted his footsteps quietly in her mind as he made his way towards her with the accompaniment of four ANBU. Quiet and steady, like the pounding of a rhythmic drum, he approached her. He didn't reek of fear like most prisoners do. He still had that disturbingly self-assured aura around him.

"Any last words, prisoner?" She asked gruffly, still looking straight ahead. God, he's so close to her. Should she say something else? Would anyone notice if her gaze lingered a little too longingly on him?

"Actually, I do." Even after all these years, the sound of his low velvety voice still made her shiver with anticipation and longing. Does he still care about her?

Praying to whatever deity was out there that no one saw her moment of weakness, she mumbled, "Go ahead." As Itachi stepped forward and herself backwards, she couldn't help but sneak sly glances at the man. He was taller now, but still as slim, and even though he must've endured a night of hell under Ibiki's care, he doesn't look shaken. He was still beautiful as ever.

"This village, is nothing but a dying rotting carcass of the once glory it had held. A poor imitation, a cheap knock-off." Itachi began his voice clear and strong. After every word, the villagers grew more and more restless and angry. "It won't be long before this pathetic village falls to the Akatsuki. And if any of you are ever wondering why I abandoned Konoha, then I will tell those of you who are too dense to guess. I left because I could. I am intelligent enough to realize when something is holding me back and I am also thorough enough to cut all bonds from trash." The crowd roared in anger.

"TRAITOR!"

"FILTH!"

"BASTARD!"

"ENOUGH ALREADY! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"

"You may call me traitor, but in the end, I'm the one that can kill all of you with a blink of an eye." He shouted over the crowd. One impulsive villager threw a stone at him, and he caught it with one hand and easily crushed it. The villagers cowered at the activated Sharingan for a moment before they regained their gusto.

"KILL! KILL! KILL!" As the sea of angry demanding faces surged closer to the platform, Hana looked to Tsunade, who nodded. With her eyes, Hana pleaded with her leader, _please, please, please replace me. I can't do this! Don't make me do this! PLEASE! _Tsunade only frowned and shook her head. Hana caught her mother's eye next. Tsume shook her head sternly. "KILL! KILL! KILL!" The crowd's cries were deafening in its ferocity.

None too gently, one of the ANBU shoved him roughly into place. "KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!" Hana reluctantly dragged her feet to where he was, kneeling over the worn block of wood. Who else had died like this? Hana wondered idly. What was their relationship with their executioner? For certainly, no one could claim their executioner was once their lover.

_Breathe Hana. Breathe. _She urged herself forward. _Breathe! _Looking down at the head of raven hair, she blinked back tears. Blinking back her tears impatiently, Hana sighed shakily. With a controlled turn of his head, he opened his eyes to make eye contact. Ruby red orbs looked straight at her, and she didn't know why, but it seemed like he was beckoning her to come closer to him. She set her jaw fiercely and stonily continued on to his side. In a trance, she knelt beside him. Her knees collided roughly with the wooden platform, and she leaned close to him.

"How are you?" He whispered; amusement was evident in his voice.

Hana almost choked on the sob that emerged from her throat. How could he sound so _happy_? "Good enough." She forced herself to say calmly and stiffly stood back up. "On the count of three."

The crowd, anxious to get this over and done with brightened. "One!"

"ONE!" They echoed.

"Two…" Hana pulled the syllable out. She couldn't do it. How could she do it?

"TWO!" They crowd roared louder.

"Take care of Sasuke for me, will you?"

"Three!"

_Thud. _The cut wasn't a clean one. Closing her eyes as tears trailed down her cheeks. Locking her elbows, she wrenched the axe out of his neck and swung again. _Thud. Thud. _Two more swings and the head was severed. Gagging on vomit and tears, Hana gingerly pulled Itachi's head up from the ground to face the crowd. "T-the traitor is dead!"

The traitor is dead.

The traitor is dead…

The traitor is dead. He's gone. Those four words rung out in the empty abyss that was her mind. She had just killed her close friend. And you know what was worse? She didn't want to, she didn't mean to, but she heard his very last words to her. No, not the bullshit where he told everyone that he didn't give a flying fuck about the village; she heard his very last words. She heard the truth. "Take care of Sasuke for me?" She heard the truth and found out she had killed an innocent man.

Hana screamed, clutching his severed head to her chest, and cried. The villagers took no notice. To them, the bane of their village's reputation has finally been destroyed. They didn't care. They didn't care.

Why did he do this to her? Why didn't he just let her believe that she had done her duty? Why did he just have to ruin it for her? Now she will forever be plagued with the truth. She had killed an innocent man. The truth was, Uchiha Itachi had always loved his friend Hana, even when he had abandoned his clan and village. But knowing that he was going to die by her hands, he couldn't just let her kill him and then file him away, and forget him. No, Uchiha Itachi was a selfish man, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He must always have a piece of Hana's heart. Always. His final words have assured him that much. Inuzuka Hana will never get over this obstacle.

DLAMiss: Not that good, but whatever. Review please!


	9. Pretend

Pretend

Sasuke loved seeing Kakashi's Sharingan. It allowed him some form of escape, a little sliver of time, where he could just stare into that ruby orb, and pretend, that he wasn't totally alone.

The first time Kakashi revealed the Sharingan, it was during the heat of the battle. Sasuke wouldn't have noticed, except…he did. He froze, an extremely dangerous thing to do while in the middle of battle, and just gawked. He ignored Naruto's shouts and Sakura's cries. It was like time froze for him. Him and that whirring pinwheel ruby red eye. While he had froze physically, his mind was buzzing with optimistic ideas, one more absurd than the last. Maybe Kakashi had been a distant cousin whose mother married out of the family, maybe he was on a mission when Itachi killed the clan, or maybe he had fought Itachi and lost his eye, and had to transplant a regular one in its stead? While those thoughts and countless others developed with lightning speeds, his heart also raced. Maybe…I'm not alone…

He was quickly disillusioned after the enemy-nin was eliminated. As soon as the last enemy had fallen, Kakashi had quickly lowered his headband, and that beautiful ruby eye was gone. Sasuke wanted to protest, but didn't. "My friend, Uchiha Obito, gave it to me, as a farewell gift." The comment was quick, low, and gruff. None of the others heard it, but he did.

Kakashi watched him solemnly, as if he had expected Sasuke to blow up. He had wanted to…and sure felt like it. "Hn." He barely managed to grunt, before stalking off moodily. He froze in the middle of battle to stare at an eye. How embarrassing. He'll never here the end of it from Naruto.

Ever since then, Sasuke loved being suddenly attacked by missing-nin or any other criminal. He didn't mind that he was in danger. After all, Kakashi always revealed the Sharingan if circumstances were grim enough and he just loved seeing that eye, so much like his own.

Kakashi was obviously aware that Sasuke had some sort of strange fixation with his hidden eye. He chose not to comment on it. After all, he wasn't particularly close to Sasuke, and the conversation would be extremely awkward. He was anything but awkward. Sasuke was always in a better temperament after an extremely dangerously botched D-rank mission that somehow turned into an A-rank—honestly, did Sandaime have problems reading those client requests?—where he was forced to use his Sharingan. Whatever makes him happy, Kakashi had thought at that time, and thought no more of it.

But when Sandaime finally got his prescription glasses fixed, and ordered proper D-rank missions, Sasuke had decided to take things into his own hands. He would walk loudly, talk loudly, and didn't even bother concealing his chakra. Kakashi would twitch in irritation, but didn't say a word. He was sure he'll grow out of the phase. …But when even Naruto noticed that Sasuke was purposely leaving a trail behind whenever they travelled, enough was enough. For the safety of the others, he'd finally have to step in.

--

"We need to have a little chat." Kakashi didn't bother sugar-coating his request, didn't bother with a greeting, didn't even bother using the door to enter Sasuke's house.

Sasuke was sitting sullenly on the couch, various scrolls arranged in neat, easily accessible piles on the glass table. "What is it, Kakashi?"

"I don't know why you're trying to get ourselves killed on missions, Sasuke. But it has to stop."

"…"

The boy didn't say anything. However, he did put away the scroll. Taking that as his cue to continue, Kakashi slouched once more. "You're obsessed with the Sharingan. If you think that I stole it or something, just say so. I've been faced with those suspicions for a while now." He knew that wasn't why Sasuke had been acting so strangely recently.

"…It's not that." The boy's voice was dry. He probably hadn't spoken in a few hours. Naruto really should pay attention to his fellow teammate more.

"Then what is it?" Kakashi asked, trying hard to mask his anticipation. He had expected Uchiha Sasuke to be a much harder nut to crack.

"I just want to pretend."

"Pretend?" Genuine curiosity entered Kakashi's usually bored tone. Of all the possible reasons Kakashi had sketched out in his mind, he never would've expected this.

Here, Sasuke flushed a dull pink. The boy was embarrassed. "Look, I'll stop trying to get us killed. Now will you get the hell out?"

It was obvious Sasuke didn't want to discuss it any further. Now that Kakashi's interest was piqued, he was rather reluctant in dropping the matter. "Man, genins are so disrespectful." He'll bring it up another time.

He didn't have the chance. With all those missions, the Chuunin Exams, and finally, Sasuke's own departure, Kakashi didn't get the chance to bring it up.

--

Years later, when they met once more, now on opposite sides of a war, Kakashi slid into his typical slouch and greeted the young man—so different from the boy he had taught almost seven years ago—warmly, and said, "How about we finish that conversation?"

He wondered if Sasuke even remembered.

"Now?" The incredulity and barely concealed embarrassment was proof that Sasuke did remember.

Kakashi surveyed the battlefield. "It's either now, or we meet up for some tea later on. Are you free next Tuesday?"

Sasuke merely shot him an irritated glance before lunging at him.

"I just wanted to pretend."

"Yes, well, we've already covered that last time." Kakashi said breezily as he dodged another Chidori. "Hasn't anyone told you how incredibly rude it is to use someone's original technique to try and kill them?"

"I guess I missed the memo." Sasuke grunted as Kakashi landed an even kick to his chest.

"Go on…"

"I wanted to pretend that I wasn't all alone." A pause. Both of them had stopped fighting. It was obvious they were equally matched—though it pained Kakashi to admit it. "Whenever I saw that eye, I could fool myself for a little while. Maybe, I'm not all alone. Maybe someone other than my self did survive!" The last statement came out as a yell.

An awkward silence filled between them. Kakashi was at a loss to how to react. He never was one for a heart-to-heart. Sasuke just glowered defiantly at his long time mentor.

"Call off your attack, Sasuke." Kakashi said gently.

"Konoha will pay for the wrongs it has dealt upon my clan."

--

A few days later, Konoha was conquered by Sound. Hatake Kakashi was one of the countless other shinobi that had died. And now, Sasuke was truly alone.


	10. Of Bats and Bets

**NOTE: **Okay this was an unplanned, hastily written drabble for .net/topic/21716/2864947/1/#24758221 The NARUTO ANTIWRITER'S BLOCK PARTY FORUM - Skit/Dialogue Game. Beware of crappy writing and random. ALSO, for those who is interested in continuing...I've left my own prompts at the bottom of this fic. Please, please, please link me if you do choose to write it!

It wasn't often that Uchiha Sasuke was pulled out of his ANBU team to take on other missions. To be honest, it never happened. For one, his actions were still monitored in and out of the village. The only reason he was even allowed out on missions was because Naruto was in his ANBU squad and had promised to keep a close eye on him as well. It was understandable, then that Sasuke felt very much isolated and nervous as he was now; stuck in a cavernous tunnel with his partner.

After two years of probation, Sasuke had slowly become accustomed to the pure lack of privacy in his life. He was vaguely certain that he was being watched via satellite – no matter what Sakura insisted, he was certain that one damned medic had implanted a chip in him. Shrugging nonchalantly, Sasuke figured that it could have been worse. He could have been assigned to D-ranks for the rest of his life. At the moment, he would much rather prefer a lifetime of D-ranks.

Casting a brief glance at his partner – one Hyuuga Hinata, Jounin, and someone of no consequence to him – he sighed. It was one pathetic excuse of a mission and not worth his time. Unfortunately, the criminal they had been chasing after was much more resourceful than they had given her credit for. She had led the two of them into this tunnel and had sealed the entrance. They had been roaming this place for half an hour already.

"Do you see anything?" Sasuke asked tiredly. Every few minutes, he would ask, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shake her head. He knew that she would have told him if she did see anything, but he honestly didn't have anything else to do. "Are you sure?"

"Indubitably." Was her cool reply.

Sasuke twitched. Something was awfully…_off_ about that word. "You're positive that's a word?"

There was a long-suffering sigh after a bout of silence from his partner. Sasuke was briefly reminded of Umino Iruka, his old Academy sensei. "Uchiha-san, it's a word. I'm positive."

"Alright."

They continued to walk on in silence. Sasuke was never much of a chatterbox and from what he had gathered from the Hyuuga, she wasn't much of a talker either. From their past meetings, he remembered that she had a crippling crush on Naruto…and that was about it.

He had been imagining all the things he would do to the blasted criminal when they finally caught her – honestly, no one got away with trapping him in anything – when he heard a small squeak come from his partner. "Bats!"

Sasuke paled slightly and instinctively pulled them to the floor. "Don't shout, you idiot." He hissed. Of all the things he had to run into while he was in a tunnel, on a stupid mission that wasn't even an S-rank, it _had_ to be bats.

"S-sorry." Hinata whispered. He didn't reply – any noise might set them off. He tensed and Hinata let out another small squeak.

"Do you mind? Be quiet."

"You're holding onto my wrist too tightly, Uchiha-san. Can you…p-please let go?" He let go as if she was on fire. Sasuke let out a disgruntled sigh and rolled his eyes. Hopefully, she didn't activate her Byakugan, otherwise she'd be able to see that he was red as a tomato.

"Right. I think we should stay here for a while." He said gruffly but didn't outright order. He was not the leader of this mission, as much as it irked him. He really wasn't keen on walking around with a bunch of bats hanging above his head. And judging by her reaction to them, she wasn't a fan of the winged creatures either. It wasn't like the criminal could get very far. Aside from that rather tricky earth jutsu that sealed them into this tunnel, she couldn't escape out of a wet bag. "Do you have a blanket?" It was getting cold.

"Sorry." Why did she not sound repentant or apologetic at all?

Again, Sasuke twitched. He could have sworn she had a blanket. Or was she unwilling to share? Instead of calling her out, Sasuke shuffled until his back was against the tunnel's wall and muttered darkly. "Whatever."

There was silence. Above them, the bats and various other creatures moved. With each noise, both of them tensed. In turn, they cast each other glances, before relaxing, until another noise caused them to tense once more, and repeat. They pointedly ignored one another throughout all of this.

But it was after the third time Hinata had ducked when a bat swooped down did Sasuke choose to say anything – a rare occurrence, that. "So you're afraid of bats?"

Hinata, instead of flushing in embarrassment, merely quipped back coolly. "D-don't pretend you haven't been tensing every time one of them flew by, Uchiha-san." Sasuke twitched again, when did she stop stuttering? He liked it much better when she didn't speak so much a word to him.

"Hn. It's not like I wanted to be given this mission anyways." Sasuke grumbled. It was true. If he had his choice, he would be wearing his mask and on another A-rank. Instead, he was bare-faced and on a B-rank.

"H-Hokage-sama insisted you associate yourself with someone outside of your ANBU squadron." Hinata explained. "I was the only one with a mission who was in need of a partner…"

She sounded mournful; as if she'd much rather have someone else with her instead. Sasuke didn't mind. Most people didn't want him around, not after what he'd done. "If it weren't for me, who would you have for a partner?"

"Perhaps…Rock Lee-san." Hinata said with a wan smile. He was a bright and exuberant young man, much like Naruto. He was Neji's teammate and strong. But going from the scoff that had come from the Uchiha, Hinata guessed Sasuke didn't think too much about Lee. She felt the need to defend the man. "I always liked Rock Lee's qualities. His strength, his courage, his –" _loyalty_. It was a good thing he cut her off.

"Colorblind…ness?" Sasuke asked in a dry tone.

Hinata sniffed, although she couldn't fight off the tiny smile from her face. "It only goes to show what a good shinobi he is. He can fulfill his tasks even with such…festive clothing."

"No comment." He was sorely tempted to replace 'festive' with another word, but decided it wasn't worth the trouble in provoking his partner. For all he knew, she could be spiteful and give him an awful assessment report. "I bet I wouldn't catch you in that type of clothing…"

"_Uchiha-san!_" Hinata hissed in an admonishing tone. No doubt, she was going to brush him off and ignore – "I'll accept that bet." She replied in a slow, confident tone. "But…but what do I get when I do it?"

Well…Sasuke wasn't really sure. He hadn't expected her to rise to his bait. Only Naruto did that – and that was only because he was the only one who talked to him nowadays. Sakura was always busy as was Kakashi. "I'll…treat you to something?" A meal with him usually appealed to women. "But I highly doubt you'll do it." He added hurriedly. "You don't _have_ to." This woman was full of surprises after all, he might as well discourage her a little – give her a way out.

"Mitarashi-san once made a bet with me…" She began lowly, making Sasuke strain a little to catch her words in the relative quiet. "I had to wear her costume for an entire day. It wasn't…that bad really." Sasuke felt a bit of dread fill the pit of his stomach. If the Hyuuga had the gumption to wear _Mitarashi's _outfit, she could definitely wear Lee's spandex – maybe even something worse. He groaned. "Let's get out of this bat cave, Uchiha-san."

After their mission – a success, obviously – they had met up a few days later. She had managed to wear a festive bright pink spandex number that put Lee and Gai to shame. And quite grudgingly, Sasuke cancelled his evening training with Naruto to take Hinata to a new restaurant that had opened near the Academy. It wasn't until he had walked her halfway to the Hyuuga compound did Hinata turn around and asked in a way that reminded him quite strongly of a playful tiger, "Do you care for another wager, Uchiha-san?" He knew he shouldn't, but he did.

He knew he shouldn't have agreed to that wager. As soon as he had caught sight of Uzumaki Naruto, he had been tempted to turn tail and run – but it was his damned pride that stopped him. The leer on his friend's face made him reconsider. "You can't imagine what a little birdie told me this morning, Sasuke-_chan_."

Sasuke scowled but made sure to make a mental note to himself: _kill Yamanaka Ino_. "What is it, dobe?" Sasuke continued walking, hoping and praying that the blond would leave him be.

"I've heard that someone's been making bets with Hinata-chan." Naruto snickered mischievously. "I wonder what that person could have possibly done –"

"I was supposed to walk around half-naked." Sasuke blurted out. From past experiences, it was better to tell Naruto the truth than to let him ruminate. All his hypothesises were usually much worse than the actual fact.

The leer, if possible, grew wider. "So, at which point did the pants come off?" Sasuke shot him a look. Naruto merely smirked back, "Any kunoichi worth her salt would tell a guy to lose the pants, Sasuke-_chan_." Sasuke couldn't help but blush a little – even demure little Hyuuga Hinata? "So I _was _right." Damn. Naruto – "So how long were you half-naked?"

"Noon. We met at dawn." Sasuke volunteered more information – again, a rare occurrence.

"So…, what you're saying is that until noon, you had no pants on?" Sasuke twitched. What was with that _tone _of his? He shrugged. "So what did you two _do_?"

"…nothing."

A squawk of disbelief. "_Nothing_?"

"What were you expecting?" Sasuke deadpanned, keeping his tone neutral and his eyes flat. Naruto was _such _an immature pervert sometimes; he often wondered why he had even made Chuunin.

"I don't know." Came the disappointed reply. "For a girl like Hinata, telling you to strip was like throwing herself at you." Naruto groaned, completely unaware that Sasuke had stopped walking in shock. "I can't _believe_ you didn't do anything!"

"Wait a minute!" Sasuke snapped and quickly sped up to catch up to the blond. "What are you talking about?"

Naruto rolled his eyes condescendingly, "Honestly, Sasuke. And people thought you were a genius. She's obviously interested. I think you should be happy – it's not like she's _ugly _or anything, and besides…"

From across the street, he spotted Hinata walking along with her old teammates – an Inuzuka and an Aburame. Ignoring Naruto completely, Sasuke called out, "Hey, Hyuuga." Hinata looked up and met his eyes. "Care for a wager?" She smiled.

CONTEXT: Anko is a telemarketer...and she's called the Hyuuga Residence.

WORDS: vacuum, taxes, baseball bat, barbie, tornado

QUOTES:

1. "Did you just...?" "You bet I did."

2. "I'm going to tell father you're pregnant with a deadbeat's baby if you don't let me!"

3. "I'm sure Neji would be interested in a blow up sex doll of that kunoichi from that show...what was her name?"

4. "Stop coming onto my father!"

5. "So anyways, when I was ten, I tried to flush my hamster down the toilet, but - oh right, I'm rambling. What was I doing again?"


End file.
